And there I stood; with my vulnerability and guilt. I was moments away from asking for your forgiveness and in return was willing to give you my loyalty, my trust, my happiness and heart. I ignored the doubts that sent me packing and pushed them aside accusing them of being jealous and wrong. I had missed you – deeply. Missed your eyes and your neck and your bed. I selfishly wanted to use you again to fix me.
And then I stopped.
I turned around, and looked far into the field ahead. I could already see myself walking away in the distance, alone, with no one by my side. Independent and free. Lonely and clueless. Full of questions and empty of answers.
But it hit me. I no longer needed your reassurance to remind me what I was capable of. I no longer needed your touch to remind me I was worthy. I no longer needed your love to substitute the love I lacked for myself.
My doubts spoke louder, and started sounding like my own conscience, sounding more like angels, telling me to move on. And a little thought inside my head whispered “I will be back when I’m ready.”
- MF
