yiayia fani

I haven’t been able to wrap my head around my own thoughts. I wish I was in a better place right now to write more beautifully for her, but I’m a little bit broken and every time I find the words I lose them within the spinning of my head. My last visit with my grandmother I paid more attention to my grandfather. I feel a bit guilty for that – that I didn’t hug her tighter or ask more questions. I just kept staring at my grandfather trying to imagine what type of heartache he would feel for losing her. It’s like I was searching for a certain amount of love he had for her… I knew he loved her. I knew he wanted her to stay.

My grandmother died peacefully on June 23rd, 2014. She stayed awake long enough for us to go say our goodbyes and to feel her warm hands for the very last time. She left my grandfather with his duties early Sunday morning. Reminding him of our upcoming birthdays and explaining how to keep the garden healthy for the summer. I’m not completely sure if she had fixed her own bed that morning; but I imagine her doing so – even with her frail body. Her last meal was a couple of Swiss Chalet french fries. Chewing slowly as my cousin showed her pictures from the 90s. She spoke to her sister that very same day. She told me to change my nail polish colour to a nice light pink. I’m not sure where I’m going with this but I guess as I slowly wrap my head around these thoughts, I’m starting to recognize the steps she took before her passing. She was a committed woman who never left anything unfinished. Maybe she knew it was her day to die, or maybe she behaved like this every day of her life but no one really noticed until Sunday.

And as my grandfather remains heartbroken I remain shattered for him.

I love you Yiayia, enjoy your infinite garden. – Michelleche